My Journey With Confidence-- by, Jenna Marie

I've put this blog post off for a very long time, because I had no idea what to write. I didn't want to be cliche with this topic of what's important to me, and coming up with an original idea was harder than I had anticipated. This was a chance for my peers to perhaps get to know me better. I dabbled in the ideas of music, or sports... maybe even success and its role in my life. But I knew that using any one idea wouldn't do the theme justice. I'm greater than a sum of my parts, and I wanted to catch a bit of my being. Sure, each thing I listed above has significance in my life. In fact, I wouldn't be who I am today without each and every one of them. But, I've come to realize that the people that I meet don't really understand who I am, or what I do. For example, my music teacher only sees how well I play the violin, not how fast I can run up a field. Or take my coaches. They certainly know how well I play, possibly my weak points in my game, but they don't know how I fair in school. Even fellow students only see this shy, tiny girl who is smart and, possibly to some, an obnoxious show off. So with this in mind, I decided that what's important to me isn't some specific topic, but to get who I really am across so that I am no longer misjudged. However, the idea of going over all that I do seemed a bit obnoxious so I'll spare you. Instead I'll focus on what's held me back, self-doubt, and how I've begun to deal with it.

I've always lacked a faith in my abilities. Since as long as I can remember, I always questioned whether I was right, whether I belonged. This could be due to a number of factors dealing with more personal reasons, but I believe the biggest one is my need for perfection, especially in instances of competition. No matter how well I would perform a movement in a concerto, how well I executed a pass, how well I did on a test, I could never get this feeling out of my had that it just wasn't good enough. I could do better was fine, but it soon became should have done better, which became why can't I do anything right. Thinking back on it, it's silly that I forced my beliefs onto others without their saying a single word against my abilities, but so it was, and it really was a doozy on the good ol' self confidence.  It got to the point that every time I got onto the field, or the court, or on the stage, my palms would sweat profusely and I'd begin to overthink. Joy was lost, because of my lack of confidence.

As a kid raised as a competitor, I knew a lack in confidence meant hesitation, and hesitation meant choking. Believe me I've heard many a time that I've got to go out there "cocky and play loose" (quote courtesy of my dad), but easier said than done. Especially when I know I can't get arrogant and make stupid mistakes. I have to be realistic after all. There's no room for idiocy when I'm on the field or playing a solo. At least that's what I told myself. And it really held me back. I realize that now, and with that realization came a change in mentality. Now every time I go out onto that field, I go over in my head that I belong. That I'm better than they know, because I've worked for it. I've really worked hard. Maybe I'm not the best, but I will contribute. Now I don't hesitate to call for the ball. I don't dread every minute I'm out on the field. Gone is the fear of failure, and it is replaced with a thirst for success. Perhaps this makes me arrogant, but I don't really care because for once I remember why I loved the activities I take part in now. I have fun again. And that's all I need to know that I made the right choice. To know that I beat self-doubt.

OCD and the Role of Nature in My Life by Olivia Przydzial

OCD and the Role of Nature in My Life

by Olivia Przydzial

When I was 6 years old, I was diagnosed with OCD, obsessive-compulsive disorder. As a kid, it was just another part of my daily life, and I honestly didn't think much of it. My OCD was embedded in every single part of my life. Over the years, it's morphed into so many different behaviors and fears. Sometimes, it required minimal effort to just push it off to the side and ignore it. In others, I would experience panic attacks so bad that I would shake and vomit. But it was always just another part of my life. I never hated it. I never really associated the 'OCD' everyone's heard of with my own experiences. Why? I never knew anything different. It was just another part of life, no big deal. I expertly concealed my behaviors in public, and I continued to live on.

- - -

I spent my childhood in a large urban city in southern Jersey. Our backyard was about 30 feet by 100 feet and consisted of yellowing grass, a single large oak tree, a wire fence on its perimeter, and baby pine trees growing our neighbor's side of the fence. Almost two years after my sister was born, my beloved oak tree was cut down. I've counted the rings of that stump so many times. I've sung in my own concerts with the stump as my stage. I've performed surgeries on leaves and frogs with that stump as my surgical table. I've watched the stars from that stump, despite the heavy light pollution. I've sat on that stump and really cried for the first few times in my life. I told my sister stories about what once was the oak tree that I so adored.

I moved to Sparta for fourth grade. With the woods in my backyard, I was beyond overwhelmed with the nature before me. I was inexplicably drawn to the natural world, despite the lack of it in my early childhood. From the years I spent in my tiny backyard, to the years I spent exploring the woods, and to the summers I spent every waking minute of in the ocean, nature of all kinds had a special place in my life.

- - -

Over the years, I've discovered that my OCD compulsions were eased to more manageable behaviors when I spent time with nature. If I didn't spend time in the woods or if I didn't go on a walk, my OCD was so much harder to ignore, the fears bubbling in my brain and nearly impossible to push away. The harmony of the imperfections that characterize nature is therapeutic to me because they prove that something so imperfect can remain so balanced and beautiful.

OCD has been and still is such a significant part of my life, even in times where it was just an underlying theme to everything I do, but nature has played a key role in infusing peace and balance into my life.

Is destiny real? By Lily Loewen

In both Oedipus the King and "Minority Report", the idea of whether destiny and fate are real is tossed up in the air. And ever since I was younger I always thought that there is definitely fate and destiny that affects our lives. The saying that "everything happens for a reason" was a huge part of my life and I kind of lived by it. But now I have completely changed. I think that I control my life and that my decisions is what causes how my life will go, not my destiny. Everything I do is because I decided to do them, and whether or not I achieve something or I fail at something- that's up to me. Nothing just happens for a reason. Things happen because I made them happen, not because it was my fate. I feel like if I say my life is run by fate, my accomplishes didn't happen because I worked hard, they happened because it was suppose to and had nothing to do with what I did. I don't want that to be the way I earned everything I earned and lost everything I lost. I work hard to make things happen for me, and I want all my hard work to pay off for something. I would hate it if I didn't accomplish something because my fate or destiny wouldn't let me. That means it doesn't matter how much I try, I won't accomplish it anyways which is terrible. I believe that I do things because they will actually affect me, and that I have control over my life and the way I live it. 

Ok, But Was This Summer Even Real - Rachel Young

       I'll be honest right off the bat, I don't like summer. I know, it's an unpopular opinion, but summer has got to be my least favorite season. The blinding sun, intense heat, the sweat, it all makes my skin crawl. The bugs come out, mosquitoes are a nightmare, and I hate having to walk around outside in the t h i c k weather and just sweat.

It's gross.

Sorry, I don't make the rules. 

       However, despite the bugs, despite the crazy, humid weather, despite it always being 100+ degrees, despite the torrential downpours every other day, I actually enjoyed this summer. A lot. 

       Ok just to start off, I usually spend my summers doing one thing. Sleeping. Sure, I'll be social during the school year, sure Ill make time for my friends and hang out on the weekends. But as soon as that final bell rings in June? I'm basically a recluse. I get inside and I stay there. Peace. See y'all next fall. But this summer, this summer was different. 

        From the moment finals ended, my summer schedule was packed with activities and trips scheduled by my parents. I was dreading it. I wanted to stay home and relax. However being forced outside my bubble was the best thing that could've happened to me.

       

      I did a lot of stupid things this summer. Not stupid in a bad way, stupid in a fun way. The kind of stupid where you look back with your friends at the memories and laugh until you cant breathe or risk peeing your pants. The kind of stupid that deems those memories part of "the good ol days". 
      I started the summer in Watkins Glen, hiking through water falls and rivers. While I wanted nothing more than to spend my first weekend of summer sleeping at home, the trip helped me realize how fun traveling was.
      Next was North Carolina, the outer banks to be exact. We go on this trip every year, and it's my favorite thing about summer. I get to see my cousins and the side of my family I only get to see once every so often. This trip was special cause my sister could drive, and we could do all the things we wanted to do without having our parents tag along. We went to the beach every day, got up before sunrise to kayak out into the ocean, stayed up to 4 am watching the stars. It truly was the epitome of a teenage summer.
         Finally, we spent our last week in New Hampshire, hiking the presidential mountains. No wifi, no service, just the great outdoors. And while this posed a threat to my delicate social teenage life, it forced me to realize just what actually mattered. Without my phone and its ties to the outside world, I was able to focus on myself. To sit outside and take a breather. I know, its corny. But for once, on the car ride back to New Jersey, I actually dreaded the fact that I had to come back to the hectic mess that was my life back in Sparta.
         Through these experiences I really learned to let go. To not care about the world back home, to really let myself have fun. I usually hate summer, but summer 2k18, as cliche as it sounds, really changed me. And i can't wait to do it all again next year

One Day, One Day by Liv Przydzial

And sometimes I venture to a special place in my mind, a special place that takes me to where I want to be more than anything. 

* * * 

I'm in a Volkswagen camper van, one covered in tie-dye peace sign stickers and painted in colorful shades of the happy colors. Although the van might be blue, we were anything but that. All the windows were down and the pleasantly warm summer breeze drifted by as we wound our way around the Pacific coast. Music blared from the radio, replaying old songs from our childhoods. Everyone knew all the words, and we all laughed as we attempted to reach a high note. Everyone wore a smile on their face, and the slowly setting sun cast golden glows upon our sunkissed faces. The ocean just a hop, skip, and a jump away reflected the rainbow of colors infecting the sky. 

As we climbed our way to the beach, songs by the Beetles blared. Our hands in the air, our wrists crowded from all of the friendship bracelets from old and new friends, we danced our way down local streets. A blur of people milled up and down the boardwalk. The ocean's salty aroma wafted to us, mixing with the chatter of the people and the seemingly distant crashing of the waves. 

Perhaps the stereotype of the recklessness of teenagers was true, but maybe a part of the story was forgotten. Why didn't anyone talk about how liberating it felt to ditch the heavy burden of material things behind and live for the moment? Why didn't anyone talk about how much more meaningful each day was when you lived in and for every second of it? Why didn't anyone ever talk about life as the new, colorful, make-it-what-you-want-it entity that it was, rather than the monotonous, day-after-day blandness that society made it out to be? 

Regardless, as soon as the van rumbled to a stop, I flung open the door and essentially spilled out. My legs like that of a newborn fawn, I stretched from the long ride down here. Even the pavement was covered in sand carried here by a million people, the thought of which made me happy, because I was now a part of this too. I was already in my bathing suit, as where the rest of my friends. We would race to the end of this world and the next together, all of our steps in synch, our feet creating a dust storm behind us, each footstep resonating within the earth. The sand between my toes was so fresh, so raw. I understood what it now felt like to be in touch with nature, myself, and the people around me - all at once, and it was simply exhilarating. We plunged into the warm water, emerging with salty hair and laughs. 


It was liberating, to be swept off your feet and into the sea. The ocean was such an unimaginably huge entity of unknowns, a seemingly endless expanse of secrets that would never be fully understood. Perhaps some would find this terrifying, but I was actually rather entranced. To me, the ocean was full of contradictions. The waves crashed with vigor and anger, while all the life dependant on it hung in a gentle balance that something as simple as a minor breeze could sway out of control. As unknown and scary the depths of the water below us seemed, I felt nothing less than free, with nothing dragging me down but gravity, which didn't even feel as heavy as it normally did. 

* * * 

With our salty lips and soaked hair, we sat side by side on the beach, watching the sun rest atop the horizon. How big was this earth? What was beyond that line? Perhaps I would never know, but the beauty was not in knowing, but in speculating what wonders one could find in such a mysterious thing such as this. 

It was easy to feel satisfied. Feeling exhilarated, wild, and free, and ultimately falling asleep happy all at the same time was a challenge so simple in nature yet so unattainable and out of reach for those afraid to break the chains of the weights on their shoulders. 

As the sun dipped below the cloudless sky and the first stars unmasked themselves, my fingers strummed the ancient strings of my mother's guitar, the vibrations flowing through each of my veins and into everyone else's. We sang whatever songs came to mind and laughed when we all forgot the lyrics and came up with our own. 


* * *

Although I dream of such a mental, physical, and soul-quenching liberation, I know that the value in such a phenomenon is only understood with a background in the opposite. To be free, you need to be in bondage, an unfortunate cycle that nobody has strayed far enough from to break out of. I hope that maybe one day, maybe just one day, I'll be the one to go far enough into the darkness to find the light switch to happiness in everything I do, but for now, the most I can do is at least attempt to be happy in as much as possible, until I reach far enough into the dark to light up this world.

Dog Eye Surgery

Dog Eye Surgery 

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     This summer my mom and I needed to have the left eye of our 6 month old puppy, Odin. He cannot see in his left eye because someone, most likely his breeder, hit him in the head. Why they chose this is most likely due to him having a mutation that made his tail nubby meaning that,  although Odin is a purebred German Shepard, they cannot sell him. Despite this Odin is a happy and outgoing puppy but, we still need to get his eye removed to avoid further injury or infection. I have decided to document his recovery.

Day 1

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    On the day of the surgery Odin was a first shaking and very scared, but our belief is this was mainly due to the original cone he was in, so we switched him to an inflatable one. After that he was much more upbeat, though it was hard to tell because we had a long trip back home from the vet in Maryland. He drank plenty but unfortunately barely ate, luckily that is enough for him to take his pain medication.

1 Week Later

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     About a week later the swelling had gone down a lot and you could better see what Odin would look like when he was fully recovered though, it was still a bit swelled up where the eye once was. Odin still wouldn't lay on his bad side despite him usually doing so, so that he could see his surroundings. He was still mostly cheerful but was upset that he had to be separated from our other dog so that his stitches didn't rip. We mainly kept Odin the inflatable cone but when we could keep a good eye on him we took it off so that he could groom.

Ten Days Later

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     After another 3 days Odin was laying back on his bad side and acted mostly normal. Due to his missing of our other dog, Psyche, and her missing of him we let them see each other. These interactions didn't last for log but they did help with making their attitudes much closer to normal. Odin's stitches now are safe to dissolve and his fur has noticeably began to grow back. We also let Odin have the cone off without strict supervision because he was acting good with them and almost entirely ignored them.

2 Weeks Later

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   After 2 weeks Odin has entirely recovered, except for the short hair around the surgery area, and is acting entirely normal again. He now never has to wear the inflatable cone and is back up to being a mischief maker. Odin is now also able to see and play with his sister as much as he wants, granted that they aren't in the way. Something notable is that he has become a lot worse behaved since his surgery, this is probably due to the sympathy he garnered. If your dog is to have surgery like Odin, especially if they are an adorable puppy, I would recommend still being strict with their behavior to avoid this consequence.

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Normal

This summer was a fairly normal summer. I tried to do more, but it ended up being just... normal. One of those normal activities was the Muscular Dystrophy Association summer camp, which is one of the highlights of my summer.

MDA summer camp is a 5-day sleep-away summer camp, for anyone under 18 with disabilities affecting their muscles. It has many activities, just like a regular camp. It has arts and crafts, a pool, a talent show, laser tag, and many more. It's a lot of fun, and I wish it was longer.

It's one of the normal things I do in summer.

And at camp, I'm normal.

A picture of campers and counselors doing arts and crafts at MDA summer camp this year.

Everyone at camp has a disability, and everyone gets their own counselor who helps them and takes care of them. The activities are inclusive and accessible, so that everyone can take part. They had wheelchair soccer, which basically turned the chairs into bumper cars, and bazooka baseball, which was regular baseball except the ball was launched by a pressurized launcher which the camper aimed. They even made a "flying squirrel" activity, where you get launched into the air attached to a pulley system, accessible to everyone.

All of these adaptations aren't just for me. They're for everyone. At camp, I can hang out with people who are like me, and I can feel comfortable and do everything just like everyone else. I'm not special there, and that's okay.

Lots of people take being able to do things for granted. And at camp, I can too. Living with a disability is far from normal, and I'm okay with that. I've adapted to it, and I have fun with it, despite all the obstacles. I'm not saying that everyday life is a struggle. It's fine most of the time. But, every once in a while, I like to be normal, to just relax and not worry about the accessibility side of things.

My summer was a normal one, and that's okay. Normal isn't always bad.

Fallen Leaves

Fallen Leaves

by, Jenna Marie

*Forgive my voice. It's no Grammy Award winner I know (there's a reason I'm a violinist and not a part of a choir), but I thought the lyrics had to be put to music to really appreciate it. Also, please note that there are many out of tune notes and the background music was a last minute composition, so it's not exactly perfect nor professional recording material (I am very sorry for any mistakes that may have occurred. They're still kind of bothering me, not going to lie, but it was so painstaking to record and I/'m too lazy to do it again, so here goes)*

The leaves are gold this time of year

There’s nothing dark, nothing to fear

My mental walls are broken down

Before I know it I’m prepped to drown

‘Cause the leaves are bound to fall eventually

And when they fall they leave you cold and bare

With each drop feelings are freed from me

This time I’ll build my walls stronger I swear

But the leaves are gold this time of year

And there’s nothing dark, nothing to fear

I hang onto this golden rope

I hang on until I choke

For the leaves are bound to fall eventually

And when they fall they leave you cold and bare

Forevermore I shall be free

No more cycles of endless despair

For I’ve been fooled time and time again

That autumn will not ever end

But every time I’ve come to hold it dear

The leaves all fall and winter’s here

Well the leaves are gold this time of year

But there’s something dark, something to fear

For the leaves will fall down after all

I can’t trust them anymore

How The End Of My Summer Was One To Remember By: Jenna Blandina

This summer was definitely way too fast for my liking, as it feels like we were just completing our final exams a week ago. As much as I really wanted summer to last for a lifetime, it was nice to come back and see all of my friends again. Being someone who loves when schedules come out, getting school supplies, and finding the perfect outfit for the first day of school, I was anxious to come back the first week in September. As the Monday went by, then Tuesday, I was not sleeping because of first day excitement. My week was going perfectly as I got the perfect outfit and had all of my notebooks organized, so I decided to top off the week with a haircut. This might have been the worst experience of my life after what happened next. 


I was all ready for my first impression of sophomore year to be great, just when I show up to school with a giant mark on my forehead. Where I got this giant wound I will tell you now. I was finished with my hair cut and my hairstylist decided to curl my hair just for fun. Now I can guess you have already figured out where this is headed (ha get it). Just as she is making the fourth curl, she by accident hits my head with the iron. At first I didn't feel a thing, so I thought it would not be a big deal, so I didn't even bring it up (this was my first mistake). As she is taking her time curling piece after piece, my head starts to itch and really hurt. This hurt wasn't like anything I have experienced before because I couldn't tell if it was all in my head, or if my head was actually hurting. Finally when she curls the last hair, I can feel the water starting to build up underneath my eyes. I keep telling myself to hold the tears in, as they are all ready streaming down my face. I quickly ran to my car and just wanted the pain to go away. The mark on my face at this moment was barely noticeable, but as the day went by, the invisible mark turned into a plumb purple burn. Wednesday rolled by, and as soon as I knew it, it was Thursday September 6th, the first day of school. I walked into school and all of my friends immediately were asking what was on my head. I told them the story, and they all felt so bad for me. Now you might be thinking, Jenna, why didn't you just put makeup on it? This is what I was thinking too, except I was not allowed to put anything on it because I could get an infection. 

Fast forwarding, here I am today with a non purple mark on my head, just slightly discolored. I am alright, except for the fact that I had to take school pictures with a burn on my head and my ideal perfect first day was ruined. Being that I had this mark on my head for picture day, when looking back in the yearbook in my years to come, I will always remember that day and the feelings associated with it. As I will remember those feelings, I will also be laughing at myself because now it's a story to tell. 

Below is the lovely picture I took of myself the day I got burned.

Struggling to Come Back By Mrs. Kopp

      This is my 16th year teaching and every August I start to get excited about the prospect of new students, decorating my classroom, and getting back into a routine. This August was the FIRST TIME EVER that I was dreading coming back to school.  I could not wrap my brain around the fact that I had to start again. My friends would ask me, "Are you ready to go back?"  And I'd tell them that I wasn't sure I was going to go back, I might just decide to stay home. 😐

      I didn't really have an explanation for this, I mean I love teaching and I love fall.  My favorite is when the weather turns crisp and I can read on my deck wrapped in a cozy blanket. I dream of the weekends when the windows blow cool air through the house and we can smell the banana muffins baking in the oven.  Pumpkins decorate my house and the anticipation of the approaching holidays warms my heart. (You'll all soon learn I'm a huge fan of Hallmark Christmas movies!  I know they are all the same, but I just love them.) 

     Despite my love of the changing season, I had to DRAG myself to school to set up my room. I avoided all other thoughts about school.  The night before the first day, I found that I needed to plan, since I had tried to avoid it previously.  I was up until almost 11 pm planning, then I was eating ice cream and looking at Instagram until almost 1 am - anything to avoid sleeping- until I finally got 4 hours in before my alarm went off.  I woke up with the typical first day butterflies (teachers get those every year, too!) and off to school I went.  

   Well, after my very first class (shout out to class 1 - 10th grade), I remembered why I LOVE this job.  They came in with bright eyes and smiles on their faces and they were happy and then I was happy.  When class was over, I just took a deep breath and reveled in the fact that I have an amazing career and I wouldn't want to do anything else.  Now I am ready for the year!

Perhaps it was difficult to say goodbye to summer because I love having those months with my family.  It's a gift and I don't take it for granted. Here are some highlights from my summer:

The minute that school ended on June 30th, we were on a plane headed to Houston Texas.  My cousin, Michael, is a chemical engineer there, so we stayed with him. We had a blast. We went tubing on his boat, ate kolaches (which are these little puffs of goodness), and visited NASA Space Center.  

When you're taking a NASA tour and they take a green screen photo, but your cousin is wearing a green shirt! HAHAHA We laughed about this for days! 

Here we are at NASA. Brayden loves science and he was really into this museum. 

The kids next to the "Saturn" rocket in rocket park! Pretty amazing! 

From Houston, Texas, we flew straight to Seattle, Washington! Mr. Kopp's cousins live there so we were doing a summer cousin tour. While we were there we kayaked in Lake Washington, ate lunch at the Puget Sound, hiked Snoqualmie falls, and then we hiked Mount Rainier - the highest mountain in the United States! 

Mount Rainier was one of the most breathtaking things I've ever seen. It was also pretty cool to be hiking in snow, in July.  

This was our whole group!

We took this picture! It's so beautiful, it looks fake!

View of Lake Washington from Gasworks park. Not only a dream to sit there, but it was only about 70 degrees - just amazing. 

Standing in the Puget Sound - it was cold! 

After we finished our cross country trek, we were home for a while and the kids swam on the local swim team and we spent time with family and friends. In August we went to one of our favorite places, Birch creek Lodge.  It's a cabin on 14 acres in the Catskills in New York State and we go there every year with two other families. It's like camping, but in a nice house! Glamping! 

My babies (who are getting big) posing on our last day. 

Our whole group - we take this picture every year! Yes, the man with the wild, white, beard is my husband.  He refused to shave all summer and it drove me crazy! Thankfully, he shaved right after this trip! 


Then, on August 20th, my sister had her first baby! Harrison Mayer was only 5 lbs 11 oz and he's just the sweetest little guy! He is the 6th grandchild in our family and we just love him to pieces!

Look at that little face! I call him my nugget! 

Two weeks old - wearing his first pair of pants! 

I'm getting in as many baby snuggles as I can! 

But, when summer came to an end, I had two children who were beyond excited to start school and I am really grateful for this summer.  The summer gave me the chance to explore, relax and read!  Now I'm going to enjoy my amazing students and the fall!