I don't think I ever loved you -- carissa

I don’t think I ever loved you.

I loved our story, and I loved all the attention we gathered. I loved that we turned heads,
and I loved that everybody knew I was yours. I loved that with you, I made all the right
friends. People learned my name pretty soon.

I loved how fast you drove and how my heart pounded and I didn’t care if we crashed.
I loved everything passing in a blur, yelling and music, holding on to your arm and being
swept away. I loved the warm air and the adrenaline and knowing I was where I belonged.

I loved how beautiful you made me feel, how you put me on a pedestal. I loved your
presence, your voice, your hands in my hair. I loved the way your clothes hung to my
knees and made me feel small. I loved that you loved me.

But I don’t think I ever loved you.

I looked in your eyes and I didn’t feel a spark. The butterflies flew away after while. I
oved the excitement you brought into my life, but I don’t think I ever loved you.

I don’t think I ever loved you because you’re selfish. You insulted qualities in people
that I had myself, and didn’t consider the damage it did. You might as well have been
talking about me.

I don’t think I ever loved you because you’re narcissistic. Everyone was below you, and
you thought you were the king and that I was the queen but really we’re just two kids.

I don’t think I ever loved you because you’re reckless. You can’t see consequences and
you don’t care to, except when I got wrapped up in the damage. There were times when
the adrenaline rush didn’t feel so good, and there were times that I lost myself in you and
I know you wanted that.

Sometimes I just wanted to stop. I wanted to go back to when we were sitting in the sun,
excited by the idea of something new. In our lives, that wasn't an option.

I'm glad it wasn't meant to be.

I don’t think I ever loved you.