Sunday, September 30, 2018

Beginners Guide to a THIS Summer by: Mikayla Flanz



Well. We're finally back from that whole one and a half month we had off and administrators are trying to pass off as summer. Let's see what you missed...

I don't think people understand how long six hours are. Especially when they are spent sitting on uncomfortable plastic chairs, in the mid day summer sun, attempting to keep eight year old brats from drowning. Last February, I got my life guarding certification and I some what knew what I was getting myself into, but man, I was NOT paid enough for the amount of hours I wasted sitting on that god forsaken life guarding chair this summer. Personally I don't believe nine dollars an hour is the value of a child's life (even though no one drowned, I swear I'm good at my job... please hire me).

Image result for bad lifeguard
Stranded. I'm stuck in Sparta, New Jersey, alone. Sure I get people go on vacation and have summer houses, but it seems every time my friends were in town, I was on vacation, leaving me lonely the majority of summer. Overall, I'm relatively certain the best part of my summer was my college trip to Brown. Since I was little, I've always known that I would play soccer in college, and now it's beginning. Even then, a college visit for soccer should NOT be the highlight of my summer, to be honest I'm slowly becoming more and more disappointed with my standards.
Image result for brown university logo

Vacation in the North Carolina Outer banks, sounds great. Wrong. I'm not trying to sound like a brat, I get that I was lucky enough to go on a vacation, and I'm grateful that my parents booked the trip, but the things that went down were kind of out of both my hands and theirs... The weather, day one through five of our week long vacation, the Carolinas were hit with what is called a "tropical depression", which in a nut shell is rain. So. Much. Rain. And I could have even looked past that, but day two of our trip I got sick, and I spent the next few days of vacation sleeping, it was miserable. But I finally got better for the last few days of vacation, and the last three days were beautiful, until the last day of our trip. Somehow on the final day of vacation, I wound up in the ER. Since it was such a nice day, I thought I'd take my board and go surfing for my final day, you know, go out in a bang... So at some point in the time I was out there, I got up, then was knocked off, and landed onto the ocean floor on my head. Five hours at being in the ER later, I had a concussion. Yay.

Image result for surfer falling funny

The summer of 2018, wasn't terrible, but it also was not memorable, it was kind of just there. As much as I love not utilizing my brain cells for about a month and a half, IT WAS ONLY A MONTH AND A HALF. I'm sorry, but that's not summer, that's a glorified and more humid version of spring break, but without the Easter bunny. Yet, even then it wouldn't have been that bad, but because I made the personally choice to play high school soccer, my summer ended August 6, 2018, the beginning of heat week... I'm pretty certain I questioned a good portion of my life choices during that week that lead me to do this for a second consecutive time in my life. Anyway...

Rest In Peace
Summer 2018
June 30, 2018- September 6, 2018
(You won't be missed)






Image Citations:
Bennett, Clay. “The ‘Abstinence Only’ Lifeguard. Don't Go in the Water!” Clay Bennett's Editorial Cartoons, 2008.

3 comments:

  1. Your blog was so funny.

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  2. You know... this post is a mood

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  3. I love the voice in this piece. This was certainly one of the strangest summers we've ever had. Just remember, we have a long winter break and let's hope that summer is longer next year!

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